-So, why are you still not talking to me? All I see is, you spending n amount of time with Sayali and others.
*umm.. so you are waiting for me to take the initiative & talk to you as if nothing happened?
-I thought the issue was over.
*Oh..I dint realize that.. if you could please remind me the moment..
-the face book comments, made me believe that we were ok with each other.
*I don’t know..well..never thought this way.
-look, m trying to get even when it comes to us.. I know some things can’t change, but I feel you just change your path when you see me approaching.. be it verbal or physical. May I know what’s going on in your mind? These last few days, I’ve seen you all smiling and happy with everyone but me. When it comes to me, you go still..non responsive..
*I feel better this way..I don’t feel bad this way..all I am trying to do is manage things on my own..so that I am able to avoid my own feelings about us. I obviously would have to make efforts for accepting something/someone who is mine, but only legally and not in any other way. I don’t want to bother you with me. M ok. I really am.
-But I am not so ok about this.
-I don’t know. May be cz m trying and m not getting any response.
*Sulk for a few days and you’ll know how to manage. That’s what I did. Trust me, we really can manage after sulking and fretting about an issue for a few days.
-I feel alone. I want to belong.
*Wrong. You are not alone, you have her with you, always. Don’t you? You already belong to her, then why do you want to belong? I don’t have anyone to cling on to. I don’t have anyone to look up to when I need them. I don’t have anyone who looks after me the way she looks after you even when she is not here. I sometimes wonder what she feels about you. Pity for you being left alone? Anger for remarrying? Happy about you being remarried? Mixed emotions? Wants you to be with her?
*I had to give up what I wanted, not you. I was forced to find my happiness elsewhere. You already have her to share everything. Don’t you? You wanted your daughter to be happy, I am here to make that sure. You also wanted yourself to be carefree, and you made sure that you don’t let her go, from your memories, from your heart, from your soul, from your mind, from your whole being! Why do you feel alone? Why do you feel the need to belong? if you can’t let go of your past, of the people who are no more alive, you can’t belong to the present..you cant belong to me..or Sayali for that matter!!
Saying this, she went away. Vinay was left alone standing at the bedpost, staring at the wind chime that was making tinkling noise, trying to break the silence that filled his heart .
Gauri was right. He couldn’t belong to her if he could not let Aisha go. Aisha was his past, and was not going to come.. ever. Gauri was his present and she was the one who could make him happy and his life worth living..forever.
Hours ticked along.
With the first rays of sun that fell on his eyes and filled his heart with a warmth that was long lost, Vinay decided that he had sulked all that he wanted to..that it was time to move on now..to find his happiness in his present. He wont feed on the memories all his life. He wont push Gauri away from him. She had lost herself in his world just to make him happy..to give him what he wanted. The least he could do was to belong..to her.
With renewed peace in his mind and shine in his eyes, Smiles took over!
PS : This was a conversation that I had going in my head. Vinay and Gauri have always been my companions. Since long. I talk to them for hours..usually at night. Its always them, if its not books. I know that expecting a meeting with imaginary people in my head is almost impossible, but I still would like to meet them someday. This is the first time I’ve have penned down the rare arguments that they have with each other. I just hope you find them as interesting as I do.
Alright. Gotta go. Its Saturday.. err… Not that I have a rocking social life or something, its just some silly chores that are to be looked after. You guys take care and have a nice weekend!